Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Time to Rest

 I have struggled about sharing so much of what's been happening around here this past year and I'm sorry if I've shared too much. I think of my blog as a journal and although I don't share everything, I have always loved to write and I find it a cathartic form of expression. 

I promise to get back to my ranching-cooking-quilting-Skeet posts soon. I'm missing them, but presently, life is directing my time elsewhere.

My mom passed on December 29 after a 7 month battle with Sarcoma. I am so grateful I was able to be with her for much of that time and that she is no longer suffering. She was 81 and she had a good life, but as those of you who have walked this path know, it's still not easy. Mom was strong-willed and independent and she fought until the end. I, of course, don't believe it's the end, but a person's relationship with the Lord is a very personal thing. 

DH had driven down on the 24th and I was so grateful for his strong, steady presence. 

We had a quiet Christmas day. Friends brought us dinner and we played Cribbage over coffee in the morning and over supper in the evening

and we just sat with mom and each other. He drove back to the ranch on the 26th and then made a return trip to Texas on the 31st - his birthday. Our girl and her fella drove in on the 31st and our boy flew in on the 1st. Mom's service was on the 2nd. I had asked a good friend to officiate and that sweet man gave the most wonderful eulogy. He is a man of great faith and he and his dear wife's love for God touched me greatly. 

The kids and DH really stepped up and pitched in wherever there was a need without being asked and before I even knew there was a need. Everyone headed back on Sunday, but we soaked up some much needed time together:

DH said I needed to come home for a while. It was going to take 2-3 weeks for the death certificate to arrive and there is nothing that can be done without it. I had been in Texas for a month and on call 24-7. Sleep had been almost non-existent. He knew I needed to come home to decompress and refuel. So come home I did. Oh, how I missed these desert skies

DH has been batching for a long time and housekeeping was in order, but the first order of business was to climb into the feed truck with DH and bounce over dirt roads, across miles of pasture with crisp, clear blue skies and fresh, desert air, in search of cows to feed:


I needed a dose of this too:

Being home is the best medicine for this weary heart. 

48 comments:

Donna said...

Hi Karin, Please accept my condolences on the death of your mother. I too believe you will see her again and she will not be in any pain. Your mom sounded like quite a lady; strong and determined. Glad you are home and can relax and take things easy for a bit. The housework is not going anywhere. Yes the best medicine is being home and sleeping in your own bed. Take care of yourself and enjoy your down time. Here's to a better new year.

julieQ said...

I am so sorry your lost your mother, and so glad you got to spend lots of time with her. Big hugs!

Dorian said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours Karin. (((HUGS))) I know your Mom is safe and happy, in a good place, but it doesn't stop her being missed I know. I'm glad you are refueling at your homestead, take care my friend.

Anonymous said...

I think your readers kind of figured out what might have happened when you didn't blog for days. Very sorry for your loss. I am older than you and had to do that for two parents and two step parents so I understand much of the feelings of loss you have experienced. Time helps...take care of yourself and think of the best parts of years together.

Dot Moore said...

So sorry to hear of the loss of your Mom. You were a good, loving, caring daughter and that was what she needed the most. Thank you for sharing with us
and wishing you a better and happier 2021.

Nancy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers. I know that you will miss her always but the current level of grieving will lessen with time. I lost my mom 25 years ago so I understand your grief. Just take it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Your husband sounds like he is very supportive and sensitive to what is going on in your life. That is a great joy.
I know the next year to 18 months will be difficult, settling up the estate with drain you in ways you didn’t think it would, but with support from family you can do it.
Your friends on the other end of the internet will be remembering you and praying for you.

Janna and Mike said...

My heart goes out to you. May God give you comfort and peace.

Joy Van den top said...

My sincere sympathy to you and your family. Losing a mom is never easy!

Sherrill said...

I'm so sorry for your loss but so wonderful that she had you with her so much over the past several months. I know how much that meant to her. It was a year from my husband's brain cancer diagnosis to his passing with 3 weeks on hospice at home. Glad you are resting at home now, regaining some strength to deal with her estate, the house, all that. Thankful for your strong faith.

Dani said...

My Dad passed In September (Mom 11 years ago) so as oldest child I am dealing with the estate. I am grateful for my siblings help - please let your family do what they can - this is not a sprint but a marathon and I can attest that the paperwork seems endless. Most of all take time for yourself - and rest in the fact she is home where she belongs. You and your family are in our prayers!

SallyC said...

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

stitchinpenny said...

So sorry for your loss. I believe that your mother is with God. That doesn't ease the loss you feel because she is not with you.

About your blog- it is your journal and anyone who reads it should understand when you need to share with your blog friends. If they aren't ready to read what you are saying they can scroll on by that post. Blogs are for the writer as much as for the reader. You are cared about by many readers and this care is for all you are not just what you normally write about.

Alycia~Quiltygirl said...

Great Great big hugs - for both you and your rancher. your family is so amazing and I am glad they were all there with you. Glad you got to decompress a little - I bet it was truly much needed... my heart is with you.

Ranch Mom said...

Karin I’m so sorry! I’ll continue to pray for peace and rest.

Marcie said...

It has been a long journey for you too. Take your time and let DH , family, friends, and Skeet take care of you and love on you a while. You all will be in my prayers.

Marcie said...

I am sorry for your loss. It has been a long journey for you and you’ve been grieving this whole time. Rest and let DH, Skeet, family,band friends take care of you for a bit. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of your mother’s death. My husband and I have lost 3 of our 4 parents in the last 18 months, and we really miss them. No matter how frail our parents’ health is, they are still a buffer between us and our own mortality. I am thankful she is with the Lord, and that her Godly influence will be felt in your life.

Darlene said...

So very, very sorry for your loss! I'm sending healing thoughts, gentle hugs and lots of prayers! Please take time for self care - it's more important than we realize.

Sherri C. said...

I too knew that things were not going well with your Mom when you weren't posting on your blog. I'm so sorry for your loss and so glad you have a loving family to support you.
I love reading your blog and seeing the pictures of your ranch life.

Brenna said...

Sending prayers for comfort and strength your way, I enjoy reading your posts no matter the topic

Treadleworks said...

I am so sorry to hear you lost your Mom and best friend! So glad you were there for her.
And glad hubby was so good to spend time with you there and bring you back home to get some down time and much needed love and rest. Prayers!

Sandra said...

So sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that you have such a great, supportive husband and children. You are in my thoughts.

Eileen Emerson said...

Heartfelt post and sympathies are being sent to you and all of yours regardless of their current realm.
Rest reinvigorate and continue to find joy with your loves.

Elle said...

I am so sorry to hear your Mom died. I do understand, while we each have our own experience. Mom died Dec 23, 2007 after 7 weeks of knowing she had bladder cancer far beyond treatment.

I agree with hubster, you need to take time to be, to rest, to begin grieving.

1 suggestion: right now you can get death certificates cheap. Get at least 12 and if she had many accounts, get 24. Everyone will want one to close up her estate. Later, they charge much more for them.

Take good care. Huge hugs to you and your family.

Margaret said...

I’m so very, very sorry. I know your belief in God will help you through these challenging times, though, so you are not alone. Sending my best wishes.

Dee Dee said...

So sorry for the loss of your Mom. It is so hard but she isn't suffering any pain and is at peace. Rest and soak in all the things of home.

Deborah said...

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's death. I hope you find comfort in knowimg she is no longer suffering and you will reunite in heaven.

Tired Teacher 2 said...

Faith and family will make this loss bearable and the bad days more tolerable. Be kind to yourself. Love and prayers to you and your family.

Chantal said...

Rest, breath, refuel yourself. It was one very tough year for you. You do need this respite, take it gratefully. Let them do for you what you do for them all the time. I'm sending you prayers, strength, and courage to face the music that will now be playing. Dealing with the paperwork and gathering your mother's things will not be easy, but you can do this. You have a wonderful group of supporters right there at home. You know you have only lost her physically. She is still with you. You can talk to her. She's probably bending God's ear to help you more. Who knows? She's in a good place, in the light. She is well. Now is the time to take care of Karin. Grief, cry, get angry, do it all. It's alright. It is hard to lose a mother as she has been there all our life. We don't know life without our mother. Take the time you need. She loves you for it. You are loved. Hugs, dearly. ;^)

Kara Kwilts said...

I am so sorry your momma is not here anymore. Glad she is no longer in pain. Much love to all of you. Praise God for life evermore! Hugs, Kara

Anna said...

I have been wondering about you and your family. It is never a good time to lose your mother but you were fortunate to have such loving friends and family to help. You have My sympathies and prayers for you all.

Nancy said...

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing, Karin. I know she's at rest and at home, safe in loving arms, but here you are left to mourn and miss her. I wish you a wealth of blessings, most especially of comfort, solace, and sweet memories.

Fae said...

Praying Gods peace will fill you and joy will overflow your heart

Cheryl Seaman said...

So sorry for your loss.It is never easy but she is safe now and beyond pain. This is your blog to do in it what you choose. Hope settling the estate is not a huge burden and know that it will be done when it is done, not a race. Much love to you and your family.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry Karin. I have no words of wisdom as you navigate this next chapter of life. Grief and how each of us go through it is very individualized. May Gods continued love be with you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, my mother in law passed the 16th. It was hard because we could not be with her. Thank you for sharing. Sharon

Shelly said...

You've been in my thoughts constantly, and I've been praying for you. I was kinda guessing this was what you were going through. I'm so glad you got to spend Christmas with your husband, and new year's with your entire family. I'm so so sorry for your loss -- it's so tough to lose a parent (or any close loved one). I know you'll still have a road ahead of you, dealing with everything, so I'm still gonna keep right on praying for you.

Chantal said...

You rest, breathe and replenish yourself. It was a very tough year for you. You have a great family wanting to help you. Let them. You have worked so hard, lately. Take this respite gratefully, it is time for you to take care of Karin. She deserves this.
You know you have only lost her physically. She is still with you. She might even be bending God's ear right about now to send you more help. She's in the light now, she's well. It is so hard to lose one's mother. She has always been there in our life, we don't know life without her. The pain will subside eventually, the hole will always remain. I'm sending prayers, strength, and courage to you, so you can face the new music with your head held up high. I know that dealing with the paperwork and gathering up her things won't be easy, but you can do this. She will help you. She loves you. You are loved. Consider yourself hugged. ;^)

Gwynette in NW Arkansas said...

I believe our loved ones are waiting for us when we have finished the dusty trail of life. All of you are in my prayers. God bless and keep you.

momto1 said...

I’m so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. Your family sounds like such a treasure. And no, you don’t share too much information. Even though I am only a blog follower, I would still consider you a friend, and friends share stuff like that. I’m so glad you could be there for your mother,

Pauline said...

Karin, I'm so sorry to learn this morning of the passing of your mother. I've
been trying to keep up with your post almost every day and I realized how delicate she had become and how much you were there caring for her. I realize, because I've been in the same position when my own mother passed away, how stressful life can be. I am glad your family and the neighbors were there for you. Being an only child too, I know how the burden of decisions that have to be made can be. You had such wonderful support from family and friends and I know how you must have appreciated it. I wish I could have been there to help also. You were in my prayers.

Twyla said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is good to hear you have great family support. There is NO place like HOME.

Ruth said...

Thank you for that picture of open space, blue skies on the desert. It's cloudy this morning here, and photos are great reminders that the sun is still shining even though we can't see it.
Take care, we know how hard saying goodbye is.

sandi s said...

I am so sorry but I believe we will see our families and loved ones again. Let your wonderful family bouy you up. Hugs,

Lindah said...

So sorry for your loss. May God's peace fill your heart.

Anonymous said...

God bless you as you grieve. I am just about finished with my Mom's estate and have sold our family home and possessions. So much not said. Trips in and organizing. So hard. I only have a sister who lives on the west coast. We were just starting to calve when my Mom was (900 miles away) taken to the hospital in lockdown and could have no visitors and the dr. told me he would try to keep her alive until I got there. My husband and I took her home and were with her when she died, about the time this was starting for you and I read with sympathy for what was ahead for you. I can so identify with missing and being comforted by the plain sights of cattle and empty space. This is relevant: Grief never ends...but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...it is the price of LOVE.
We are looking forward to seeing our loved ones again someday too.
Susan

Beryl BC said...

I'm sorry to read of your mom's death. I recalled a similar time 10 years when my mother died. Near the end of her life, she also enjoyed watching the birds and squirrels from her window. She had been such a busy, on-the-go person; at he end she was able to be still and watch the creatures of the world. We are blessed with our memories.

Shelljo said...

Oh Karin, I’m so sorry. I thought your time with your Mom was coming to an end, but I thought you’d have a bit more time. I’m glad you are taking some time to rest and recharge.

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